I like to think it’s pretty well known that I am a big fan of Cory Monteith. I think my post of support for Cory’s decision to enter rehab several months ago shows how big of a fan I am.
So to say that Cory’s passing shook me is an understatement. No one expected him to die at such a young age.
It’s tragic. It’s terrible. It’s heartbreaking. It’s sickening. It’s unfair. It’s everything that death always is. It’s everything I felt when I lost both my mother and grandfather to cancer. It’s everything that is terrible about being human, about living and dying. It’s terrible that Cory had to die alone. No one deserves that. Least of all him.
I threw up shortly after I received the news. I haven’t slept very well. It’s part illness and part well…shock.
Since I am legitimately sick, I have been thinking a lot about this since I am not allowed to go to work at the moment. I apologize if this seems rambling and weird because I just don’t really know how to put what I’m feeling into words. But I’m going to try.
Cory Monteith was the heart and soul of Glee. His warmth, his kindness, his sweet nature made him one of the favorite actors of the cast instantly. Cory would stop to talk with fans and take pictures. Cory would admit his flaws. Cory was this big giant teddy bear that everyone loved.
Even fans of the show who didn’t like his character, Finn Hudson, loved Cory. It speaks a lot to the kind of person he was. Because fans? They can associate the actor with the character. It’s like how people think Alan Rickman is going to be like Severus Snape or something.
As a fan, I only saw the tiniest bit of Cory Monteith. I didn’t know except from TV and interviews. I never met him.
Those who have met him though, those who knew him said that Cory was the nicest, most amazing, sweetest guy they have ever met. He was a good friend, a good son, a good boyfriend, and a great actor.
And you know what? That’s how I always imagined him being if we ever met. A nice big smile, a hug if I asked for it, friendly words and…
It’s odd mourning for someone that I never met. Someone I knew only through television. I have witnessed a lot of stars die. Well not witnessed but more like observed the aftermath. I never really stood how the fans of those people felt until now.
It sucks. I feel awful and I didn’t know him. I can’t imagine how his family is feeling, or his friends, or his girlfriend. When my Mom and grandfather died I was, at least, prepared for their deaths. This came out of nowhere.
Even my friends who have stopped watching Glee are mourning for Cory. He had a bright future. He was just so talented and so young.
So here’s the thing though, I…I don’t want to mourn. I mean I don’t want to sound callous. I have been mourning. But…
From that small, infinitesimal piece of Cory that I saw? I don’t think that he would want people to be sad.
Cory was not a guy who wanted to create sadness. He seemed to be the kind of guy who embodied the motto of Glee the best. He “opened himself up to joy”. He loved his fans. He loved his job. He loved his family. He loved his friends. He loved Lea.
Cory had a lot of love in him. How many people are mourning him right now? It only shows how many lives he touched with that love, with that joy that he opened up and shared with the world. We only had him as an actor for a few brief years, he was only famous for less than that. But Cory? He touched us Gleeks all with his love, with his light and with his spirit.
It’s tragic that it was extinguished so suddenly.
What I want to do however is open myself up more to joy, to glee, and to love. I want to try to have some of that warmth in all my interactions with people that Cory I had. That love he released in the world? That love he showed to us? I want to show the world back that love.
Mitch Album said that “Love is how you stay alive even after you are gone.” It’s the quote that I have seen associated the most with tributes made by fans to Cory. It embodies him so perfectly.
I will grieve. I will miss Cory. I will miss Finn. I will mourn for him because he deserves mourning. I won’t mourn for long though.
As I write this I am listening to “Don’t Stop Believing”. It’s appropriate. I never stopped believing in Cory, none of the fans did.
So I’m not going to now. I will honor that memory of the man who touched my life in the smallest of ways. The love of the character of Finn was what first got me and one of my best friends talking, it was what kept my watching the show, it was what inspired that spark that led me to my job.
Cory I have never met you but you have affected my life so much. I would have liked to have met you once. And my promise is to love more and never stop believing.