Okay so this post was originally supposed to be a retrospective on Sectionals in the past seasons and compare it to the current episode of season four.
However when I sat down to write it…it wasn’t going all that well. Mainly because Sectionals in season four has taken a backseat.
Plus you know the cliffhanger.
I feel like I can’t write anything if I don’t know the outcome of it at least in a comparison/contrast of the Sectionals competitions/outcomes.
Also it may sound cliche but I wasn’t very inspired to write a retrospective on Sectionals many because I have to put a lot of sincere and genuine thought into it and well…
I have a major paper, two projects, and five final exams to study for coming up for college that are due/coming in about a week. At this time all of those sincere and genuine thoughts? They’re going to those endeavors.
So I will do a Sectionals retrospective just not at this time. Maybe when glee goes on hiatus, I’ll do a look back on Sectionals because I do want to do it.
The timing just really sucks for me right now.
Also until December fifteenth? Updates are going to be slow coming.
Now enough of that serious stuff I do have something I would like to talk with you all about today!
The third show choir in competitions.
AKA the comedy goldmine.
(I would say contains spoilers but when the video is on YouTube I don’t consider it to be a spoiler anymore.)
The third show choir.
We know they’re going to lose (most of the time) but the glee writers have so much fun with them!
Like in my twisted head when whoever is writing the Sectionals episode is smoking a joint (And you rewatch the glee series and tell me that at some point in time that pot was not involved in the writing of some of these things. Yeah. Thought so.) that they just write down the first two weird things that come to mind.
Aural Intensity? I thought their name was Oral Intensity for years and have been making blowjob jokes accordingly! It makes sense since their distinctive show choir theme is to plant their lips firmly on the judges asses.
The Hipsters? Definitely the oldest choir we’ve seen. I’ve heard it been called New Directions in sixty years which makes me giggle.
The Unitards? Was someone watching a lot of gymnastics/dance videos on YouTube when coming up with this name?
The Golden Goblets? Uh…how did they win their Sectionals? Seriously. How did that happen? A madrigal choir? A CATHOLIC SCHOOL MADRIGAL CHOIR?! I…I’ll touch on this later.
The Portland Scale Blazers? Well they won 2011 Nationals so…I guess they were talented. Or Sunshine puked on the stage or something. Though they burned the hell out because uh…we’ll talk about that mess later too.
The Rosendale Mennonites? Ah the newest ones to the club as of season four episode eight’s “Thanksgiving” and they were actually pretty good. It’s hard to find them silly when they were just so…passionate and played the spoons. Seriously who plays the spoons?
So over the past three seasons (seasons two, three, and four because I don’t think season one’s choirs were as…whacky as what we got. And before you all say anything we did not really see Aural Intensity perform rather just heard their voices so they don’t count for me), we’ve gotten a bevy of silly show choirs.
And seriously, after the judges we get (and they will get their own appreciation), the third show choir is something I’ve begun to look forward to at competitions.
Okay so let’s start the appreciation with Aural Intensity.
Now the only thing I really know about Aural Intensity is that they find out who the judges are ahead of time and plan their routines accordingly. The reason they only placed second at Regionals in season one episode twenty-two “Journey” is because they learned Josh Groban and Olivia Newton-John were judging and proceeded to do a MASSIVE ego stroking with a mash-up of Magic and You Raise Me Up.
And sadly I cannot find the mash-up of this. So I’ll place both songs below and let your imaginations ran rampant with how this went.
Yeah Aural Intensity relies on butt kissing. Major, major, major nose practically up the ass…butt kissing.
And it worked. They placed second on the sheer ego stroking of two massive egos. Also they probably did a news related song for Rod Remmington and a cheer song for Sue but that is just me speculating.
So as a repeat choir but of no real threat, there was an attempt to make them a threat. Somehow Sue got in charge of these kids after pushing their director down the stairs. Now my question is about the commute uh…aren’t they out of the state of Ohio? Like…Indiana right? It was Indiana right? I remember it began with an “I” but how did that commute work?!
Okay I forget this is Sue Sylvester she probably just flies a helicopter there or something.
Okay so moving on since this formula defeated New Directions at their first Regionals, Sue pulled a repeat of that formula in season two episode sixteen “Original Song” with the judges of Rod Remmington, Tea Party candidate and Sarah Palin impersonator Tammy Jean Alberston, and former exotic dancer turned nun Sister Mary Constance in mind.
They sing Jesus Is a Friend of Mine.
It is complete with a choregraphed Star of David, which glee choreographer Zach Woodlee said it was one of the hardest things he’s had to choreograph on the show.
This is the stuff I live for. It is just glorious in…hilarity.. This cracks me up. They only thing that would make this funnier was if they started kick-lining in this formation. We don’t see them in season three’s Regionals which is a shame because I would have loooooved to see what kind of butt-kissing routine they pulled out this time.
The next choir is The Hipsters. A group of senior citizens who are working toward their GED’s, which is an admirable goal in and of itself. People have called them the much much older New Directions.
And part of me dies of laughter because of how it oddly true it is.
Now The Living Years was released as a single and truthfully? It’s pretty good. They found some great singers and well I’m glad there wasn’t a lot of dancing here otherwise I would feel really bad if someone threw out a hit.
But the performance was really sweet and I still groove along to this song when it appears on my iPod.
Awwww look at this guys! I also think it’s kind of oddly hilarious that the color of the Hipsters in Sectionals are given to New Directions in Regionals. Seriously!
DID I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND?!
Because mine was blown when I figured this out.
This convinces me that the Hipsters are the way way way future of New Directions and no one can tell me otherwise at this point. Because you guys are believing me too.
The next ones are the Unitards featuring Harmony aka Lindsay Pearce, who I have to mention because she was a runner-up on The Glee Project. Which I admit that I never watched but God when I saw her I haaaaaated her. Harmony not Lindsay who I am sure is an absolutely lovely person.
But uh Harmony is Rachel 2.0 and she terrified the ever living hell out of me.
Also…we’re supposed to believe that Rachel, who while she annoys me and her voice by the beginning of season three was not as impressive and kind of grating because of how. often. they. use. her., is legitimately threatened by Harmony?! REALLY?!?!?!?!
Honey you have a great voice and I loved your mash-up of Anything Goes/I Can Do Anything but you are no Rachel Berry and I am confused as to why Rachel was intimidated by Harmony’s voice. Or performing skills.
Maybe it was Harmony’s resume that terrified more and Rachel just transferred it to her voice?
Also after her first appearance that was when I started to really haaaaate the NYADA storyline which lasts all. season. long. (more on this later) because I essentially came the conclusion that NYADA was full of Rachel Berry clones.
…And that terrifies me in a way that I cannot describe.
But moving on from it, the Unitards are essentially a way of getting Lindsay her second contractual episode and after that we never saw Harmony again. Despite her promises of a bloodbath in the future. Now don’t get me wrong I am very very very impressed by Lindsay’s vocal pipes. So no one kill me.
But uh…Harmony is definitely a Rachel expy. More so than Marley who is like Rachel’s polar opposite. Also I think Harmony is a bit of What If…character.
Like What If Rachel was the only star of the glee club and everyone just danced around her and provided back-up vocals all the time?
And Buenos Aires definitely answers that question.
Now let me be honest.
Out of ALL of the third show choirs, the Unitards are the only one I could see legitimately winning or placing second. Harmony’s voice is a powerhouse and the performance is very, very impressive.
The first few times I saw it. I was impressed. If New Directions was a whole unit instead of Troubletones and New Directions (and that will also get a whole post dedicated to them) then I could legitimately see the Unitards placing second.
However a good comparison here is Vocal Adrenaline. They have one star that they build the show around and well at first I think it’s amazing performances but then I get bored after multiple listens.
I need more than one voice and backing vocals and dancing in the background. I like duets and a real group choral effort at competition rather than just a solo performer center stage.
Again this is just my preference.
And Lindsay has a killer voice and gives her all to her performance so I applaud that too.
But my conclusion is this that the Unitards are definitely the most impressive third choir to come out of glee. For that? I applaud them!
Next up are The Golden Goblets.
The Golden Goblets appear in episode four of season three “On My Way” an episode that I think parts of are good but for the most part is just this uncomfortable mess of badness.
The Golden Goblets performance is one that I laughed up but it was more of WTF laugh.
Seriously the other two groups at their Sectionals must have been REALLY bad if a madrigal choir wins. I’ve never seen one outside of a Ren Faire before.
Maybe the glee writers were smoking pot and watching that Pepsi commercial from the Super Bowl with Elton John when writing this script? It’s the only thing I can come up with.
I could see that happening and making perfect sense to include them if that was the inspiration.
And they’re from a Catholic school? Wow.
I feel like as someone who went to Catholic school I should be a bit offended. Our choir was NOT like that. But I actually find this really really funny.
Like do people seriously believe that is our stereotype?
Because the stories I can tell you.
I…oh God I can’t stand this. It’s hilarious.
I want glee to do a Ren Faire episode. Ian Brennan? Get on it! Because that would be gold!
Now let’s move onto Nationals with Portland Scale Blazers…
Before I do the Scale Blazers, I would also like honor another National choir who despite my best efforts remains unnamed.
So unnamed all girls choir this is for you. Simply because your performance of Yeah! was hilarious, awkward and so very wrong that it went right around to being hilariously right.
Seriously these girls were hilarious. And I love their dresses and inappropriate song choices which seems to be a theme in this show. You guys should have won 2011 Nationals and gotten a proper name. I salute you.
Now onto the winners of the 2011 Nationals, the Portland Scale Blazers.
Despite being the winners of Nationals, we never actually saw the Scale Blazers perform. So I cannot judge their 2011 performance.
I will however judge their 2012 performance of Starlight Express.
And laugh my ass off because what the hell was that!
Seriously guys! Were you just burned out! Did Sunshine toss her cookies onstage? What happened here?!?!
And at first I thought you were doing Xanadu!
THEY SHOULD HAVE DONE XANADU! AKA the greatest roller disco movie with Greek mythology ever made!
They certainly dressed like they were going to do Xanadu. Also yes I get that Starlight Express also uses roller skates but they were dressed realistically enough for that show.
You should have done Xanadu, glee. Wasted. Opprotunity.
Sigh it’s in these moments I wish I could be like an idea person for this show…
Really I do.
Okay so last and certainly not least because ohmyGod they are awesome!
I present the Rosendale Mennonites!
This. Was. Awesome!
Out of all the third show choirs I think this one is my favorite.
I don’t even know why. Maybe it’s the spoons. Maybe it’s the fact that they are playing instruments onstage.
Maybe its the fact that one of these girls has a lot of soul.
But for whatever reason it. is. hilarious to me.
Now personally I will admit I don’t know much about Mennonite culture but from my research they are like the Amish? Anyway here’s the Wikipedia entry if you’re curious.
Now how did this idea come into being?
My theory since I think most of these choirs are inspired by drugs and reality TV?
Pot and a marathon of Breaking Amish on TLC because according to the Wikipedia page one of the people on this very odd show was a Mennonite.
But seriously I can’t tell you why I loved them so much. But over a Warbler victory, I say the Mennonites should win! That mash-up of Over the River/She’ll Be Coming Around the Mountain was awesome! I wish that was released as a single so I can buy it and listen to it on repeat.
And that’s it! These are the third choirs of glee.
Underappreciated? Yes. Yes they are.
So third show choir of glee, I salute you for bringing a bit of random, campy, fun joy to the competitions and definitely giving me something to look forward too.
(Fingers crossed we get a new one at Regionals!)
Next on the Glee Rewatch Project: Probably a top ten list of some kind. Something that doesn’t require a lot of brain power what with college finals coming up for me.
Notes: Which underappreciated third show choir was your favorite?
Follow me on Twitter @GleeRewatch
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